Clever Conversationalist T-Shirts

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

'Nanna said you had a very high IQ when you were a boy. I bet you're glad you grew out of it.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Rocket scientist, in like, I ain't no.'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Snow is falling...

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

Jokes machine.

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'