Witty Conversationalist Gifts

"Look, maybe you're right, but for the sake of argument let's assume you're wrong and drop it."

The Algonquin Round Table

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

"And we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of Champagne to those single gentlement with incomes over $250000 pa who leave us their telephone numbers."

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

'They say you are what you eat, but I've been eating nothing but hot dogs for years and I don't smell like ketchup.'

"It's sweet of you to blame male attitudes, but I like to think I'm neurotic in my own right."

'Where do you see yourself in five years?' 'I see myself in a world where people don't ask such trite interview questions.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

Juvenile Court

Impressive opinions you can pass off as your own (Entertaining at Dinner Parties).

'Aside from the claustrophobia, ground up meal worms, depression and looking at you pucker your lips all day...life is just peachy!'

"I'm a know-it-all? Well, tell me something I don't know!"

"Did anything happen on your vacation that I didn't already see on the Internet?"

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."

'I hope you won't consider it name dropping if I mention God.'

'I'm sure he's clever...he's just got nothing clever to say!'

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."

'I've been banned from a singles club.'

Men are like March, they come in like a lion and leave like a lamb.

"Got any I.D.?"

"No, the wages of sin isn't $6.66 per hour, though that wage is sinfully low."

'Oh yes, everyone likes him, he's not intelligent enough to make enemies.'

'And which strata of literary life do you inhabit?'

Jokes machine.

Airport Literature

'Will you join me in a cup of tea?'

"- And then I get these overwhelming desires to make love to a man in uniform...."

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Ralph knew how to ruin a Notting Hill wine tasting soirée.

'My perfume? Actually, it's called 'insect repellent' but at the moment it doesn't seem to be working.'

'If one has no answers, who is the master of the rhetorical question, if not me?'

'I once met the tweeter for a famous novelist, but never anyone who tweeted for an organic, patented plum.'

Do you get your good looks from your mother or your father? My father. He's a plastic surgeon.