Witty Dinner Conversationalist Gifts

'I've got to hand it to you, Wally. It took guts to bring me home to dinner unannounced.'

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

The Algonquin Round Table

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Chick in noodle soup.