Witty Dinner Conversationalist Pillows

'I've got to hand it to you, Wally. It took guts to bring me home to dinner unannounced.'

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

The Algonquin Round Table

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

'Mom can I have another apple?'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

Chick in noodle soup.

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."