Dinner Conversationalist Pillows

"Waiter, there's a long-range ballistic missile in my soup."

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

"Let’s start with that waiter over there."

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

"Ein Gesichtsprüfer namens Ted hat heute Morgen wegen seines Nachrufs angerufen."

"So honey, how bad was your day today?"

"Did I tell you that I'm seeing a chiropractor?" "That's great. Is it helping your back?" "Are you kidding, my back is killing me. We see each other every night."

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

Chick in noodle soup.

'Now then - entertain me!'

Washington Do's and Don'ts - Some things shouldn't be said while people are dining.

"The longer it takes him to recite the specials, the guiltier I feel for not ordering one."

"You owe me five bucks."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

'All right, I agree with you.'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'What did you say?' - 'I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'Are you going to say Grace, Sir, or shall I?'