Quick-witted Conversationalist Gifts

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Crow and fox

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'