Quick-witted Professional Gifts

Surgeon asking patient, 'Would you like this to go?'

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

Man using an entrance canopy as an umbrella

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"Baseball is way too boring - so, we're doing one inning, winner takes all, everybody go home early and live their lives."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

Barry Cryer.

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

'The Dorvil people feel that the merger was a mistake. They want out, they want half the company's assets and they want child support.'

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

Run. Freeze. Run again! Turn around. Run! No, freeze!

'Please sir - all of them!'

Working with Hahnium, which has a half-life of 35 seconds.

Said Cohen? Who's askin? Someone who is about to make your dreams come true. Why? Are you gonna let me yell at you until you bleed? Caustic. Quick-witted just as Facebook led me to believe. What the heck are you talking about?!?! Nothing. Ready to experience pure joy? I'm ready to attack!!

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

'Have you referred to my previous boss?' - 'Yes, he wants to know when you are going to return the coffee money.'

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."

"On the contrary, Hank, I believe that in some cases, slapping a band-aid on a problem is a VERY effective solution!"

'When you said that you carried the whole weight of the company on your shoulders. . .'

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

Extreme Accounting!

Think fast!

Recording. You need to talk faster. We only have sixty seconds to record the side effects for this pharmaceutical commercial.

Paramedic running after dropped stretcher.

Lanard, Bonwell, Wilson & Brockman: Based on the standup comedy of Steve Lanard