Quick-witted Advisor Gifts

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Oh, and one more thing

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'

'Please sir - all of them!'

Never judge a nose job at face value.

"I happen."

'Quick, Bensonhurst-Shaw, I need a bon mot for today's meeting.'

Surgeon asking patient, 'Would you like this to go?'

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

'It's all in how you look at it -- try thinking of yourself as the world's tallest short guy.'

To some people, having a head cold is the same as having an idea.

Lecture on dealing with hecklers-tongues sharpened while you wait.

'An unpleasant customer will come to see you? Well, remember that there are three good buddies who can help you: garlic, onions and beans.'