Cool-headed Advisor Gifts

No matter what the situation, I always try to keep a cool head.

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Just go with the workflow."

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Oh, and one more thing

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

Axel, if I were to give you one piece of advice in life, it would be this: Don't hide your light under a bushel

"The steering-committee three are we. Run it by us, and we'll see."

"I need advice and you seem to have a level head."

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

When Your First Term Is Going to Be Your Last

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

"Oh, you don't need to fight them—you just need to convince the pitchfork people that the torch people want to take away their pitchforks."

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

In a Quandary

Our succession plan is we don't talk about it!

'I think I've spotted our problem.' (too many consultants)