Quick Wit Aficionado Gifts

Lecture on dealing with hecklers-tongues sharpened while you wait.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

"I love this time of year."

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Counsel's Opinion.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

A lesson in wit

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Know-it-alls

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

Strike A Balance

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Back Down

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

'Please sir - all of them!'

'I never know when you're joking!'

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

"I just got accepted to Yale." "I'd jump up and down for joy but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'How come when you're right it's female intuition and when I'm right it's dumb luck?'

'What's a knee like yours doing in a joint like this?'

'Ok, well I can give you a full teeth examination, but I suspect that they're all rotten.'

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'