Wit And Humor Aficionado Gifts

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

Trojan horse with a satellite dish.

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Clone Factory

Trump Tariffs

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Inactivists"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I love this time of year."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.