Wit And Humor Lover Gifts

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Peter Dinklage

'Do these trousers make my butler look big?'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Albert Einstein

Crap from the future.

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Thinker. The Listener

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Honest Voting Stickers

Spanish bank needs propping up.

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

The Monroe Doctrine

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Think tanks.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Only in America

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"I love this time of year."

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Police Lineup Escape

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

Dollars Press Conference

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

'Escape?...Why?'

Spying Smart TV

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

"I'm resigning so I can spend more time with my wonderful family, here."