Humorous Conversationalist Gifts

"In today's global economy...maybe you should learn to speak-a-lay la Espanola."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"All the good ones are neutered."

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Bat out of Hell

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."