Satirical Conversationalist Gifts

'Jeez, you hear about the ebola epidemic?'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"#notguilty."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Cat job interviews.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Crow and fox

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

Oliver Twist As Re-imagined in the Modern Boardroom.

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"So, what is your star sign?"

Monkey Business College

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'