Conversation Humorist Gifts

"Look, I'm trying to say something here, can you stop butting in?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Any other skills?"

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

"All the good ones are neutered."

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

'Another failure to communicate?'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Bar bouncer resumes.

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

Parking validation

"Now tell me, what do you think you would bring to our company?"

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

"Will I need a tax shelter?"