Conversation Comedian Gifts

'That will be fine, go ahead and book - it'll just take a couple of days for me to convince him that it was his idea.'

Moses on the web

"Yes, I'm alone."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"Are you talking to me?"

Keister Island

"All the good ones are neutered."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

Modern animal communication

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

Parking validation

Text in a bottle

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

Conversation Topics and Guidelines Approved for this Area...

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

'It's all about hunting and killing with you, isn't it? Why can't you just have fun in the woods?'

"I've run out of topics, so you have to do the talking until the vaccine comes."

"You claim that your greatest strength is being a natural predator. We could use someone like you here at this company."

'Well, if I got the wrong number how come you answered the phone?'

"Look, I'm trying to say something here, can you stop butting in?"

"Why is her line always busy?!"

"In today's global economy...maybe you should learn to speak-a-lay la Espanola."