Cultural Convo Comedian Gifts

Santa Claus, RIP

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

The Scottish Lawn

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"When did this game get started?"

"Any other skills?"

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'You would too, if they sold your desk and changed all the locks!'

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

"I don't look at it as bouncing from job to job, I'm merely gaining a broad base of experience."

'I'm afraid there's be a resume mix up. We meant to call Grim C Reaper.'

Keister Island

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

"You've omitted your previous patient experience and recommendations from two other doctors."

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

Parking validation

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

Pot Needles

"Sure, we live in a cave but do we have to dress like we live in a cave?"

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'