Cultured Comedian Gifts

Middle-aged dreidels

Football Chameleon

'Yes, all at once!'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

The Scottish Lawn

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"When did this game get started?"

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

Murphy bed...Murphy.

Monet At Open Mic Night

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

Sheepdog

Keister Island

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

Giraffe painter.

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

Cinderfelon

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

Manhole Warning

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

The cartoonists with a giant Pencil

Pot Needles

"Sure, we live in a cave but do we have to dress like we live in a cave?"