Cultural Comedians Gifts

"My humour needs bringing up to date. Do you think the New School might have something?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

The Scottish Lawn

"The last doggy bag."

"When did this game get started?"

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

Football Delivery

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

It's sweet of you to ask, Randy, but I've decided just to rent some Mel Gibson movies instead.

Keister Island

'Did you know that your lips move when you paint?'

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'

"The neighborhood association wants to know why you're never at our meetings."

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

Pot Needles

"Sure, we live in a cave but do we have to dress like we live in a cave?"

'But Steve, it still doesn't make you kosher!'

"Kfetch!"

A North pole dancer.

"It's an 'Ee by gum' bike."

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

The leatherhosen thief strikes again!

"The face of the pear-shaped man reminded me of the mashed turnips that Aunt Mildred used to serve alongside the Thanksgiving turkey. As he got out of the strawberry-hued car, his immense fists looked like two slabs of slightly gnawed ham. He waddled over

"Kfetch!"

Political Hipsters

"I'm part Irish on my mother's side."

"My feet were killing me."

The North American Indian version of In & Out trays