Alternative Comedians Gifts

Scavenenger's hunt.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'