Alternative Comedy Fans Gifts

Anorexic Pizza - We never deliver.

'I'm part of you, you're part of me...'

Cannibal's Menu.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"That'll be five bucks."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

The First Fire Stick

Stairlift around cliff face.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Divine Desk Bins

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Yakety-Yak