Alternative Comedy Fans Gifts

Anorexic Pizza - We never deliver.

'I'm part of you, you're part of me...'

Cannibal's Menu.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"That'll be five bucks."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

The First Fire Stick

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

Divine Desk Bins

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

The first case of resume padding.

"Don't go in there!!"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'Oddly, few archaeologist comment on the flossing habits of Easter Island inhabitants.'

Yakety-Yak