Fans Of Unconventional Humor Gifts

'You're right. All it needs is a woman's touch.'

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Raised by Dogs

'Hon, I'm home!'

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Cow Pat Planning

The crown

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

"I took your advice."

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

Arm puncture...

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.