Fans Of Unconventional Humor Gifts

'You're right. All it needs is a woman's touch.'

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

Raised by Dogs

'Hon, I'm home!'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

Clairvoyant - I want to divorce my husband. He's having an affair next week.

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Cow Pat Planning

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

A better way to sweep the floor.... just shuffle!

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

"I took your advice."

The crown

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

'You're sexy when your mind is somewhere else.'

"Should've let go of the plane when I told you to."

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.

"And what would you consider your legacy to be, Dr. Fauci, when all of this is behind us?"

Arm puncture...

'You're healthy as an eohippus!'

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'