Alternative Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'Take no notice of Nigel, he just finds alternative comedy incredibly amusing!'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Moses unblocking the toilet.

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Cannibal recipes.

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

W.C. Fields

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

'We need to talk.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

One afternoon on mars.

The Old Man and the Noodle.

'We'll find out what's wrong with you through a procedure called an 'autopsy'.'

"Gregor, you idiot… leftover Applebee's in bed."

"Now be honest, does it make me look younger?"

Love starts with hearts and diamonds and sometimes ends with clubs and spades

Claw Machine Head

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

Mafia Shrinks

Wanted, someone to kill hunter. A volunteer is often the last one you'd ever want to give the job to.

"It's all about the freezer storage space for Vinny."

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

Malpractice Specialist.

Mime trying to buy a doughnut

'I'm part of you, you're part of me...'

Service and Emotional Support Animals...

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

"We'll have to open you up again - We need to settle a bet."

'Sorry folks, Tractor Beam's broken. We'll have to use a tractor piece of rope.'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

Vampire's postman.