Alternative Comedy Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Take no notice of Nigel, he just finds alternative comedy incredibly amusing!'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

Cannibal recipes.

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

'We need to talk.'

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

One afternoon on mars.

The Old Man and the Noodle.

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

"Gregor, you idiot… leftover Applebee's in bed."

Wanted, someone to kill hunter. A volunteer is often the last one you'd ever want to give the job to.

Claw Machine Head

"Now be honest, does it make me look younger?"

Mafia Shrinks

'We'll find out what's wrong with you through a procedure called an 'autopsy'.'

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

Malpractice Specialist.

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

Mime trying to buy a doughnut

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

"We'll have to open you up again - We need to settle a bet."

'I'm part of you, you're part of me...'

'Sorry folks, Tractor Beam's broken. We'll have to use a tractor piece of rope.'

Vampire's postman.

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"When I first started school all I wanted were A's but since hitting puberty I'm far more interested in D's."