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Insurance Broker - "Mrs Dumpty,there's nothing in the policy about walls."

'Hurry up in there! -- I don't have all day, you know!'

Zombie standup

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Vlad the Impala

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

A Fairytale Update

The Rooster Comedian.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"That is an outrageous slur."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"