Amateur Comedians Gifts

A couple sitting beside the fireplace

"Billions of migrants will invade Europe!!"

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

"The last doggy bag."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Canoeing Incorrectly

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

A smart alec boy

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'

Memory Foam Mattress.

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."