Hobby Comedians Gifts

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

The First Fire Stick

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Divine Desk Bins

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Oddly, few archaeologist comment on the flossing habits of Easter Island inhabitants.'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Romantic Cruises....except for cases of seasickness.

'It's a chicken.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"So, how's your scary movie?"

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."