Hobby Comedians Pillows

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Stairlift around cliff face.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

The First Fire Stick

Divine Desk Bins

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

"Aye, 'tis the elusive Moby Dick!"

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'Oddly, few archaeologist comment on the flossing habits of Easter Island inhabitants.'

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"I think it was good for me. Was it good for you?"

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Clown Delivering Babies.

Romantic Cruises....except for cases of seasickness.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'It's a chicken.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."