Hobbyist Humorist Pillows

'When I said get a hobby I meant something like stamps.'

'You've lots of time on your hands, why don't you takeup knitting....?'

'Calling this room Shunting Yard 2 is not going to get us out of paying the bedroom tax.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Copycats

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Police Feline Unit

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

I will study my speling words...

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'