Home Comedians Pillows

'You don't hear the bath water running because I'm taking a sponge bath, mom.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Yard Sale

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

Family working together

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Search for Missing Socks

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'