Home Comedians Gifts

'You don't hear the bath water running because I'm taking a sponge bath, mom.'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Yard Sale

Family working together

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Search for Missing Socks

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'