Household Humorists Gifts

"And don't forget your Optician's appointment."

'Do you want the Head of the house or Dad?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."