Household Humorists Gifts

"And don't forget your Optician's appointment."

'Do you want the Head of the house or Dad?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

Yard Sale

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'