Household Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I found clothes in the closet, under the bed, and behind the couch. That's not what I meant by separating your laundry.'

'You've done this just to get out of doing the dishes, haven't you George?'

"New super select-a-size! 1/2 sheet, 1/4 sheet, 1/8 sheet (make-up remover), 1/16 sheet (spider killer), 1/32 sheet (booger getter), 1/64 sheets (zit squeezers)."

"You're wasting a wash-load of cleaning energy on one sock?"

People intimidated by a little mouse.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Mulch madness"

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Too much salt!'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

Hi love...one less for tea tonight