Household Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'I found clothes in the closet, under the bed, and behind the couch. That's not what I meant by separating your laundry.'

'You've done this just to get out of doing the dishes, haven't you George?'

"New super select-a-size! 1/2 sheet, 1/4 sheet, 1/8 sheet (make-up remover), 1/16 sheet (spider killer), 1/32 sheet (booger getter), 1/64 sheets (zit squeezers)."

"You're wasting a wash-load of cleaning energy on one sock?"

People intimidated by a little mouse.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'Too much salt!'

'The doctor said I was ready for solids, but not this solid!'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."