Household Joke Lover Pillows

"Tell your father that garbage was on Tuesday."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Mulch madness"

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

CartoonStock Upload

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.