Household Joke Lover Pillows

"Tell your father that garbage was on Tuesday."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Mulch madness"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

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Hi love...one less for tea tonight

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.

This Semester's Report Card