Household Jokester Pillows

"I think we have mice in the walls."

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

Onion operation.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"