Household Jokers Pillows

'I think you only come in here to get out of doing the dishes.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Acclaimed mother.

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

Onion operation.

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"