Family Jokers Pillows

'Mother, if I make an exception in your case, all my patients will expect me to make house calls.'

"I thought they would be pleased that we stayed up to wish them a Happy Spring Forward Day."

'Now that we've got a new bull, is he the calf's stepfather?'

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

You know you're middle aged...

"Deadhead Dad, honey, not deadbeat."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'I'd like a puppy who's cute, playful, and can shoulder a lot of blame.'

"Mom said we're old enough to take care of you, so this is our new chain of command!"

"Is our fish fresh? Sure it is! My dad is just delivering the latest catch..."

"Of course what else would it be?"

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."