Family Joker Pillows

"I thought that sperm-bank donors remained anonymous."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"I hope you kept the box it came in."

'...I thought Einstein had a theory on 'relatives'...'

'If you're re-tired Grandpa, why don't you take a nap like I do!'

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'

'Your mother has finally found a home she wants us to put her in...ours.'

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"Now, before we go, does anyone have to empty their cache?"

'Grandpa's been working out!'

'Mom, how does the digestive system work?'

'Aren't I allowed to make at least one phone call to Grandma?'

Toddler NO shirt - 'Saves time.'

'You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a little different.'

'We're your family... please don't audit us.'

'Are you sure this is where you buried your Daddy?'

'You're the mother and those are your children? -- I'd like to see a DNA test.'

"You couldn't put on a nice a tie?"

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

'Your son, running screaming from the real world, is home.'

Dancing Grandpa

"I'm putting you on an Auntie biotic."

"That's my new baby brother. He's a floor model."

'He looks exactly like his father!'

"Then it's a deal, I'll bury your bones and you eat my homework."

'Oh yes, you PAINT your mother. But do you ever write? Do you ever call?'

'Can I come to your office and see the cow you had when Daddy asked you for a raise?'

'Dad, if you had put a rubber thing on the end of your stick you wouldn't fall over,'

"I did take a bath, I just didn't say when."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

When I said I love the 'Oldies' I meant Grandma adn Grandpa."

"This is Mr. Mendez. He's been redistricted into our family."

Girl introducing a boyfriend to her builder father.