Family Time Joker Pillows

"I'm making you breakfast in bed. What do you want on your pizza?"

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"She's been so creative lately."

Haircuts

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Office pics on dinner table.

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

At the market

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Swinging

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."