Family Time Humor Pillows

"I'm not feeling so good. I think I've got long Covid."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

'Oops! Does this mean I'm next in line for CEO, Dad?'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

Feeding the baby

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

'I don't like the look of yours...'

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''