Family Time Humor Gifts

"I'm not feeling so good. I think I've got long Covid."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Baby cries into a cellphone.

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

Feeding the baby

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'Oops! Does this mean I'm next in line for CEO, Dad?'

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

Danny reminds his dad that he had forgotten to pay him for raking the yard.

"Well, if you've got 'nothing to wear' why am I constantly doing laundry?"

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

'I don't like the look of yours...'

'Sorry, nothing really scares us anymore since that time we accidentally walked in on our parents...'