Family Funny Pillows

"The wife thinks he's at summer camp."

"The oldest sibling always has to be the center of attention."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Suffering from Cooties?

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Graph Your Relatives!

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Dad Trophies

'Look, Dad, I made a pair of boots out of your chest waders.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

Growth Charts

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"Dad's barbeucuing again so Mom's got the pizza place on speed dial."

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'

"Okay, you can keep 'em, but if they grow any bigger, they'll have to sleep in the kitchen."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

The Family Joules: Part 5

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"