Modern Family Humor Pillows

iDad.

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"Yes, I invested in a safe and security system. I got sick and tired of our kids taking my phone chargers and losing them."

Wifi in Hell

"Use your inside scream."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

God bless our home equity line of credit.

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'Mom, I need a push.'

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Adult Absence Notes.

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

Feeding the baby

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

"Dad, can you read?"