Quirky Family Humor Pillows

'My beautiful little baby - perfect in every way.'

'My dad used the exact same word yesterday. Does he have to come here too?'

'If you're planning to move back in here with your mother and me, you'll have to abide by our rules.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

"Mom! Dad! Do something!"

"Two boys from legal to see you."

"I'm back. My family didn't want to spend more time with me."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

Mummy?!

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

Baby cries into a cellphone.

'He didn't learn that from me!'

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'His dad was!'

"Put it on my tab."

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

Adult Absence Notes.

"When can I redeploy?"

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

'Of course the tooth fairy never came. Those were your Grandma's false teeth you put under your pillow.'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"Dad since my pocket money isn't index linked, you've forced me to have to renegotiate."