Family Time Joker Gifts

"I'm making you breakfast in bed. What do you want on your pizza?"

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

I like the Jets...I guess

"They grow up so fast."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

No caption (A young bald eagle plays a claw game full of fish as his parent stands behind him).

Haircuts

"She's been so creative lately."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'She's just great with the children.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'You and Rags working together make great dinosaur finders.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Swinging

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

Office pics on dinner table.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Home Sweet Home

At the market

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."