Family Life Joker Gifts

'Do you know what's cool about snakes? Fangs obviously. But they also shed their skin as they grow! How cool would that be?'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Harry?... Is that you?"

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

'Mom says she has a souffl

"No more tickling Daddy for awhile, 'kay Puddin?'"

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'...I thought Einstein had a theory on 'relatives'...'

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"I'm an only child...unless you count my dad."

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

Decorating with Children

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'