Marriage Joker Gifts

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, with no chance of parole.'

'Sorry, no exchange, no right of return.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'You owe us on the loan we made to you to get married.' - 'Why don't you repossess my wife?'

'Walter never goes anywhere without his flotation device.'

'I don't have any trouble keeping my weight down — I married an appetite suppressant.'

'Ugly? Her face makes the missionary position impossible!'

"He's not going anywhere unless I say so!"

"Can I bring my Wife?"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Face Mask Romance

"I'm SO lazy, I married a pregnant woman. . . !"

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'