Wedding Jokers Gifts

"Great wedding, Ruby! Great reception!. . . Now let's play BINGO!"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

'I should warn you -- I don't have any tattoos.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

'I now pronounce you husband and wife. Let the nagging begin.'

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"What are you doing in the box? You're meant to be in the dog house"

"OK, but I'll have to run it by my husband."

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

"For better or for worse, from pre-nuptial contract to no-fault divorce..."

"...and after the first year, it's only a month to month commitment."

'Darling...our first audit!'

In my will, I leave my credit cards to my wife.

'My pre-nuptial agreement reads, she's too good for me, but will marry me anyway!'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'