Wedding Jokesters Gifts

'Do you, Robert, promise to love and honor Susan, and keep looking for employment?'

"I'm sorry Jayne, but I've got cold feet."

"Wow! Look at all the wedding gifts. Is that why you two got married?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

The Aisle

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"You may now kiss the bride."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"And do you, Bob, promise to treat Karen as well as you treat your vintage 1950 Indian Blackhawk motorcycle?"